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Questian Telka: Welcome to She Counts, the Real Talk podcast for women in accounting, where your hosts Questian Telka.
Nancy McClelland: And Nancy McClelland.
Questian Telka: And every episode we're digging into the real experiences, challenges and unspoken truths of life in this profession.
Nancy McClelland: Because if you've ever felt like you're the only one, you're not and you shouldn't have to figure it [00:00:30] out alone.
Questian Telka: Special thanks to our season two sponsors, Forwardly Relay and Client Hub. We are so grateful to them for helping us bring these conversations to life, enabling us to share out loud what everyone's thinking, but no one's saying. Learn more about them on our sponsors page at checkout.
Nancy McClelland: Today's episode is called unmuted turning down the self-doubt. Turning up the volume. And we have [00:01:00] a special guest with us, our friend and mentor, Misty Mejia of the Theater of Public Speaking. Welcome to She Counts. Misty.
Misty Megia: Oh my God, I just want to watch you all do your thing. I love this so much you don't even know.
Questian Telka: We're so excited to have you. And so everyone knows. Misty is the CEO and creative force behind Theater of Public Speaking, where she helps women and underrepresented voices unmute themselves and own [00:01:30] the stage, whether that's a conference room, a technical breakout, or a keynote spotlight. With a background spanning theater, corporate leadership, and coaching. Misty's programs transform confidence, storytelling, and presence, and Nancy and I are both very proud graduates of her Tops program and courses and are proudly board certified.
Nancy McClelland: Very proudly board certified, as a matter of fact, for those who are watching as opposed to listening, I am [00:02:00] pointing to my board certification, which sits right behind me on this fantastic along with my awards and my hourly. We love launching each episode with a story and Misty, I know you have one to share with us.
Misty Megia: Oh my. All right. A story I knew this was coming. I knew it was. Um. Let's see. Last year I'm going to do this because it's even though it's a year ago, it's super topical. [00:02:30] I was in Armenia working on a film that's coming out in a few weeks, and we're over the moon. On a rare day off, I was in the apartment that I shared with Angela, the director, and we were surrounded by post-it notes and scripts and half finished coffee. And I asked her, you know, I always wanted to do a documentary because I have phenomenal women in my life. What, [00:03:00] uh, what would be the starting point for me? And she didn't even look up. And she said, I hate documentaries. And while we're at it, I'm not a fan of rom coms either.
Misty Megia: Oh my God.
Nancy McClelland: Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. So not only does she hate documentaries, she's not a fan of rom coms. And you're literally filming a rom com.
Questian Telka: A Rom com.
Misty Megia: We are filming a Rom com.
Nancy McClelland: Okay.
Misty Megia: So I did the RCA dog head tilt of what?
Questian Telka: You're like, so next on your [00:03:30]list is a documentary then.
Misty Megia: The thing that I loved about it, though, she said to me that her end goal was a sci fi film that she wrote, and she knew that she wasn't ready for that yet. So she did documentaries first, to learn how to tell stories and frame a scene. And then she wrote the rom com we were working on because it was a massive playground and the stakes were low, but the lessons were high. Then [00:04:00] she brought in some of the best people to actually make mistakes in front of and grow. And every step was a rehearsal for her work. And the lesson was so pivotal for me coming back after the filming. Watching a woman who fully owned the climb. Not waiting for permission, not waiting to be ready, not apologizing [00:04:30] for learning she was building her dream like one imperfect moment at a time. And to me, I think we often wait to begin until we are an expert or feel like an expert. But we need to begin because that's how we become.
Nancy McClelland: That is so beautiful and impactful. And speaking of learning, I love the fact that you're still learning [00:05:00] from all of these experiences and wrapping things like this into your own journey. That is incredible.
Misty Megia: If we're ever done learning, like I would say, we're at the end of our days. Like we're constantly, yeah, constantly consuming and going, oh, tell me more. What life lessons were you? I still want to do a documentary, though.
Nancy McClelland: I still want you to do a documentary also. So we're on the same page there. And I love the rom coms. I love the documentaries. I also love sci fi though, [00:05:30] so I think I'm pretty much signed up for this woman's entire. Yeah, yeah. Question. You and I are gonna have to have movie night sometimes.
Questian Telka: I know science fiction is my absolute favorite, as I've talked about before, so.
Nancy McClelland: Yeah. Well, Misty, this this story, even though I didn't know which one you were going to tell, I knew it would be the perfect segue into the work that you do with theater of public speaking. You help women unmute themselves, which I love. Don't forget to unmute yourself. But what does that actually mean? And, [00:06:00] um, I think more importantly, what are some of the ways that we're we're accidentally hitting that mute button in the first place?
Misty Megia: Yeah, it's funny to me because I think a lot of people just equate it with speaking of unmuting yourself. But to me, it is that fully becoming. There are so many different components in our life, whether it's our creativity, whether it's how we show up in a space, how we [00:06:30] support one another, that are a constant muscle to exercise, to go, how do I want to show up and become and be the best person that I can be? And how do I intentionally show up in a space as that human? And to me, that's the act of unmuting. Like, what is it that we dream to do? And what are the steps to get towards that dream? So to me, it's like a small piece of that is the public speaking. It's the skill set that helps [00:07:00] us not only be at the table, but speak up at that table. But then it's also that moment of just going, what do I want? How do I get quiet and listen and go, oh, that's what I want to do. And what are those steps to get there?
Nancy McClelland: That resonates so deeply with me, because I do not have very many post-it notes around my computer. Like, I know question does, I don't have very many, but I do have a few. One of them [00:07:30] is remembering the formula for cost of goods sold and the beginning balance and the ending balance when filling out a tax return. But right next to that it says be the best version of yourself you can be. But who is that? So it's not just reminding me to try to be the best version of myself. It's reminding me to make sure that it's my own definition of who I am. And I think [00:08:00] that your description of unmuting is just so. That's why it resonates so deeply. Because I feel like we need to keep asking that question. It's easy to get lost and start being who we think the world wants us to be, as opposed to finding it within ourselves.
Questian Telka: That was very, very difficult for me throughout this, throughout the process of going through the Tops program, it was like when I was really young, I was very, very vocal, very outspoken, and I would get a lot [00:08:30] of feedback that told me to mute myself. It was like, you are what you're saying, um, is it bothers other people, and it's this whole idea like that. You have to say things as a woman, I think, especially in a certain way, so that you don't upset someone else or offend them, and so that your viewpoint falls in line with whatever it's supposed to at any given time. And going through that entire process for me of unmuting [00:09:00] wasn't just about learning to get up on a stage and speak and feel comfortable with it. It was about unmuting my views and feeling comfortable sharing openly the thoughts that I have and not being scared of offending someone.
Nancy McClelland: Or.
Questian Telka: I don't want to offend them.
Nancy McClelland: But when we talk about question not not being scared to offend someone, being scared and doing it anyway.
Questian Telka: That's right.
Nancy McClelland: Right. Like it's okay that being scared, [00:09:30] the being scared part's okay because it's very natural. But you're doing it anyway every, every day of your life. I want to know, um, because obviously I'm very proud of the fact that I was the one who was like, I think you need to meet Misty, and I think you need to look into this program is one of my like, great accomplishments in life, is is ushering you in that direction. And then you totally took it and made it your own. I would love for you to share with us [00:10:00] an example of muted question before you did this program and unmuted question who we know today.
Questian Telka: Yeah, well, you did version of you as being absolutely terrified to go into a zoom meeting and speak to someone, or to go to a conference and walk up to someone and have a conversation. And that's completely different now. I mean, I would be in a work call and I would have I, I definitely knew that I had value and that the input that I [00:10:30] had was valuable, but I was always so scared to speak up about it. Didn't know how to jump into a conversation. Uh, was part of the issue as well. And once I went through the program, it really just like Misty was kind of hinting on like it. It made me have to exercise the muscle of speaking up and getting comfortable with it. And it. I transitioned from being scared of [00:11:00] speaking up in a zoom meeting to one of the things that I had to do. It's part of my job. It's a big part of my firm is being able to present in board meetings. And then one of the, one of the the things that I don't love about my job is that not only do I have to sell my value to an executive director because I work with all these nonprofits, but I'm constantly having to sell my value to their board members as well, and to their, um, to the finance committee. And so [00:11:30] being able to go in and represent myself and help them understand the value that I bring has completely shifted my ability. It's just a confidence issue going into that in a huge way. So that and then more like on a bigger scale, I guess I would say would be our podcast and then getting up on stages and presenting [00:12:00] in front of 400 people, which I never thought I would do in my life. And now I've done twice.
Misty Megia: So it's so crazy to me. It's so crazy to me. Because question when you came, it was really just that, that small thing of confidence and networking and then like, you're getting paid to speak, you're on stages. You and Nancy start a podcast. And I'm like, who is this woman? And I love it.
Questian Telka: Now I won't shut up. That's the problem.
Nancy McClelland: Oh, that's not a problem. No. Well, [00:12:30] and actually, thank you very much for inadvertently, totally leading us into the next topic, which is self-doubt and negative self-talk, because you just said, and now I won't shut up, right? Like what? What have questions in my favorite cartoons is a person who's talking to their therapist and they're saying, yeah, I engage in too much negative self-talk like a stupid [00:13:00] idiot.
Questian Telka: Well, and funny enough, what's funny about that is I was like before when we were planning the episode initially and we were coming up and brainstorming the the idea for it. That was the we were we're thinking of titling it that because it was just like so ironic and appropriate.
Nancy McClelland: Absolutely. So it it always it always cracks us up. Um, but there's so much truth to it. So, Misty, I know you've got a lot of thoughts [00:13:30] about why you think we give these negative voices in our heads so much more airtime than the thousand positives that should be drowning them out. There are a lot of studies about this, but, um, I know you've probably read almost all of them. Can you talk to us about this topic?
Misty Megia: Yeah, to me it's it's so many different things. But the thing that always resonates with me is that our mind is wired to keep us safe, and [00:14:00] that negative comment can be perceived as a threat. So your mind thinks it's unsafe, so it will circle around it like crazy to figure out how to be safe and go. Don't don't forget you're you're not safe. You're not safe, you're not safe. You're not safe. And so to counteract that, we kind of have to break it down and start looking at it to I have found that it's one of three things. And it doesn't mean that it's only one. It [00:14:30] could be a combination of all of them, but it's either the people, the skill, or the this situation is causing anxiety and fear? Is it the person that is saying the unkind thing? Is it the skill set? Are you lacking doubt in your skill set and how you showed up? Or is it the overall situation that is causing anxiety? Is it getting out? Did they post it on social? Like what is causing you to ruminate and stir? That your body doesn't feel safe and then get [00:15:00] that work back? Plan to figure out how to get back to safety.
Questian Telka: I love that you brought up. Basically what you're talking about is negativity bias, right? And for sure turned me on to, um, Tara Swart. Am I saying her name right? She's her I know I love her, too. Um, and we should put that. That'll be in the show notes. She has some YouTube videos that are amazing. And also some books that are [00:15:30] that talk about, um, she's a neuroscientist, essentially, and it deep dives kind of into some of what you were saying about, um, that negativity bias and where that originated and why it's there. And it just really getting to the root of that helps you understand how to overcome it. Like you were saying.
Misty Megia: You have to come up with a plan. Like a lot of people are like, oh, just start thinking positive. Just be happy, joyful thoughts and like, counteract it. And that is [00:16:00] so difficult. Your body and your mind are so much better when it has an action to take and a specific action to take. If it can see a checklist, it'll be like, yes, give me the checklist. Give me the step by step so I can move forward. But a lot of times we just think, oh, we're going to ruminate and it's going to get better. We know that's not the case. So like, okay, how do we step back and go what is causing this. Like what is really at the root. Is [00:16:30] it My feelings are hurt. Is it me? Not. I didn't put my best foot forward. Like, how can I adjust that next time?
Questian Telka: You mentioned action items like coming up with action items. Do you have examples?
Misty Megia: Absolutely. So for me, I will work on a keynote and I know all the steps, right? I know all the steps. I ideate here, [00:17:00] I write my draft, I do this, I will question it like crazy. Is this the right thing? Even though I've done my audience research and what I found is when I'm in that space of like, oh, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, and I'm circling. I have to stop and go, Missy, what's making you nervous right now? What is causing the procrastination to not even work on it? Because the procrastination is just me going. Something is afraid and I don't want to move forward, so I'm just going to ignore it and fold laundry [00:17:30] and clean the house.
Questian Telka: Procrastinate.
Nancy McClelland: Oh my gosh, laundry is the most wonderful thing in the entire world. If it weren't for laundry, I just don't know what I would do because it makes me feel like I'm somehow being productive while I'm procrastinating. I mean, wow, I'm so grateful for laundry.
Questian Telka: I end up in a social media spiral, so when I am procrastinating working on a presentation, it's like I'll be working on it and my brain will just come to [00:18:00] like a moment where I am like, oh, and I and I stop, and then all of a sudden I find myself on my phone doomscrolling and I'm like, put it down, stop.
Misty Megia: But that's the exact thing. So when I now recognize that in myself of like, ooh, I am putting other things ahead of me working on this presentation, what is going on? And I will look at it and I look at it and go, okay, am I nervous about the people I'm going to be presenting to you. Okay. No. Am I [00:18:30] worried about the situation? It's a live event with, you know, 700 people. No, that doesn't really bother me. Is it my skill? And I will look at it. And a lot of times, like, ooh, I don't feel strong about my opener. Let me fix that, or I don't feel strong about this piece of it, let me go find more data. And so once I have an action plan, because I've kind of focused on where that anxiety is coming from, then I can move forward and I stop procrastinating [00:19:00] and I go, oh, all right, now I know what to work on.
Questian Telka: And I love what you said about breaking it down like that's so important is like first, the first thing when you're trying to come up with the actions is breaking apart. What it, you know, breaking it down and trying to figure out, like, where is it coming from? And then just getting more granular so you can try and work through what's causing the anxiety.
Misty Megia: Yeah.
Nancy McClelland: And [00:19:30] I think it's really important to, to, um, I'm actually going to back out a little bit from this and say that. Misty, you and I are both cognitive behavioral therapy nerds. Um, and a lot of what you're talking about here, especially and question and I have talked about it quite often on the podcast about the part of your brain that's trying to keep you safe, that's your lizard brain. That's what we call it, because it is the oldest part of your brain, and that's its job to keep you safe. But it leads to a [00:20:00] lot of what in CBT are called cognitive distortions. So what you're doing by saying, let me break it down is the step that you're taking right there is going meta. You're you're noticing because you have to notice yourself being in anxiety. You have to notice yourself in negative self-talk. You have to you have to notice that it's happening, which takes a lot of practice and honestly, a lot of friends who can see it in you, helping you [00:20:30] to point it out, that has been really helpful for me. And in that moment you go, wait a minute, this means something. And and then it's in that moment where you go, okay, wait, I got to go meta. And now I have to look at these breakdowns. So I feel like it's really important. It's very reassuring to me, actually, that you turn to laundry or whatever, that you also have that anxiety, procrastination that the rest of us do. Um, and one of these like.
Questian Telka: You know, it's normal, [00:21:00] right? Misty's normal. We're like, we look at her as like, no, you know, she she doesn't go through any of these things.
Misty Megia: It's like the stars. They go shopping, too.
Questian Telka: Yeah. Yes. Pretty much.
Nancy McClelland: That's exactly my point. Thank you. Yes. Misty's normal and and something that, uh, you know, in all of the work that I've done with the concept of imposter voice or impostor phenomenon. Um, you know, one of the things that that we [00:21:30] talk about is that men tend to move through that faster than women. It's not that men don't have these same anxiety moments, or that they don't have these imposter voices, or they don't have any of these other things that are lizard brain is doing to help us feel safe. It's not that they don't have those, but they they can see themselves in a situation of success. They can see themselves more than we can, more easily than we can. So they move through this [00:22:00] faster than women tend to. And you've seen that a lot in the work that you do. Misty.
Misty Megia: I absolutely have in the corporate world, I, you know, have everybody that shows up, uh, within a team. And I work with them. So not just women, but the it's true. The men have imposter syndrome. They are telling me the stories of just having massive anxiety. It is across the board. But Nancy, you're absolutely [00:22:30] right. They move through it faster and I don't have enough data to say that it's because they get over it, or it's because they have systems in place that actually support them more, so they are more recognized for their brilliant ideas. They are more often seen as leaders from biases. So there is like a system of beliefs that kind of helps facilitate their growth, that I think [00:23:00] kind of expedites it more than women, because I will be in a call with somebody and I was with a head of sales, not too bad, not too recently. And he was going for a VP role, and he had massive anxiety and he was going up against somebody else that I know, which was a female who had more experience and he ended up getting the role. And it was just interesting. It's interesting to see. And it's because the, the [00:23:30] I think the hiring they are, they see themselves in him. Mhm. So it's just a system that kind of. Sees men and women a little bit differently. So it's it's tough to go okay. We can as women we just have it harder. It's it takes us longer to get through it. I don't think that's necessarily true. I think it's a system around us that.
Nancy McClelland: Yeah, it's structural as well as the, the internal part of it [00:24:00] is the internal voice. And part of it is the actual structure that we're surrounded by. It's it's what question is always talking about, like we need to change the culture and not just the policy.
Questian Telka: Yeah.
Misty Megia: Because we internalize a lot of the external conversations. I mean, how did those even become internal conversations?
Nancy McClelland: Yeah.
Misty Megia: We weren't born with that.
Questian Telka: Yeah.
Nancy McClelland: No, that's so true. So how do we bridge that gap [00:24:30] between, you know, you were talking about it's trying to keep us safe. Our voices are trying to keep us safe. That's. We know this logically. Okay. How do we bridge that gap between going meta, doing these things that you're talking about and actually developing that knowing with a with a big K instead of a small K, like emotionally knowing something question. I were talking about this earlier today when we we actually had a meeting and she was really anxious about something. And [00:25:00] we were talking about, well, you can know something logically. No, wait, I was the one who was anxious. I'm just now remembering that conversation. I this this one was on me.
Questian Telka: I know it was like, yeah.
Nancy McClelland: Should have done something. That's what it was. You had done. Something that I initially interpreted emotionally, even though logically I knew better, but emotionally I interpreted it.
Questian Telka: Oh, that's what it was.
Nancy McClelland: Fear and the safety [00:25:30] and the need for, like, wait a minute, I need to be on my defensive here. And knowing with a with the logic and feeling, knowing internally, with my whole self how do we bridge that gap. And I do believe that learning how to do that is part of what gets us away from the negative self-talk.
Misty Megia: Yeah. You know, if I had the absolute answer, I think [00:26:00] everybody is a little bit different when it comes to that.
Nancy McClelland: Okay. But I want the absolute answer. Can you tell me right now how to do this? I would like to fix one size fits all. Come on Misty.
Misty Megia: What I mean. In all honesty, we truly talk to ourselves worse than we would talk to our best friend.
Questian Telka: Oh, absolutely. Like, without a doubt. Right.
Misty Megia: And [00:26:30] so sometimes my negative talk, I have to name it my best friend Christina. Who? Nancy. You've met.
Nancy McClelland: Who is awesome. And I totally understand why she's your best friend. Because she's fabulous.
Misty Megia: Thank you, I agree. Uh, to me, when I go. All right, Christina, I know that is going to shift the conversation in my head because she would never say the things that are going on in that moment.
Nancy McClelland: So you actually, you don't just give yourself [00:27:00] a, um, another name like, you actually visualize your actual best friend.
Misty Megia: Yeah. To me, she's my biggest supporter. She's my cheerleader. She also will give it to me. Honestly, if it if I'm not doing something right. So to me, having somebody that is outside of yourself that you can just picture, you can go, okay, they would not say this to me. They would and I wouldn't do it to them. [00:27:30]
Questian Telka: Yeah. That's what I was going to say. You wouldn't say that to them. So then you start to think about these things that we say to or tell ourselves. And it's like, what would I say to my friend if she were expressing the same self-doubt to me? And I think that's a really good tip, and I forget to use that a lot.
Misty Megia: Question. The other thing that hit me hard, uh, years ago, I took a class that was I thought it was a business class, and it ended up being a very woo woo like mind thing, which I was [00:28:00] like, not my vibe at first. And then I fell in love with it. But one of the things they had us do is they had us put a picture of ourselves as a little kid next to our bed. So anytime we had that negative self-talk, we would see our younger self and go, would you be saying that to this little girl?
Questian Telka: That's so powerful.
Nancy McClelland: Oh my gosh, I've never heard that advice. I think I would cry every time I saw her and [00:28:30] be like, you're not gonna do that to her.
Misty Megia: Right?
Nancy McClelland: Yeah.
Misty Megia: Yeah. You go into self protect mode of like, no, I would never say this to that little thing. I'm just like, why did you do that? Why? Yeah. What is that x, y and z. Okay.
Questian Telka: So we just need to have a photo of ourselves on our, like, computer desktop right on the screen. And it's like, okay, I'm gonna if I'm saying this nasty thing about myself to myself or having these thoughts, I better pull up this picture and think [00:29:00] about who I'm who I'm telling this to, because that's really I mean, that's we're all just that, that little girl inside still, right?
Misty Megia: Yeah. The people pleasing young girl who would be so impressed with how far you've made it, who couldn't even dream of where you are and what you're doing and what you achieved.
Nancy McClelland: Like if my little girl self knew that I were gonna be an accountant, she'd be like, what? Mind you kidding me? She [00:29:30] would totally not believe it. So you're right about that part. She.
Misty Megia: But it's the dancing accountant, so she would probably believe that she would believe that
Nancy McClelland: That part. You're right. You know, what's that part?
Questian Telka: What's interesting is, when I was a little girl, I was spicy. I mean, like I say, Missy, you and I had this conversation, and one day I'm going to write a keynote around this, but it's like I was I was born a feminist, and like, I was [00:30:00] on fire, that I was I could do anything any of the boys around me did. In fact, I did. Like, I beat all the boys in pull ups in elementary school. Pull like pull ups. Yeah, I mean, I was a gymnast at the time, so, you know, I had a lot. I didn't know.
Nancy McClelland: That about you. I thought I knew all the things that I didn't know. Your pull ups secret?
Questian Telka: Nope. That's my. That's my little claim to fame right there. Um, but I, um. Yeah. Like. And then just sneaking [00:30:30] back to muting and the self doubt like, that was something I developed when I got a little older. And so it was like this older childhood like or older child years like maybe late elementary school, middle school through high school. And then, you know, I'm just kind of I mean, the spicy's always been there. Let's be honest. You guys know this, but I am I'm like much more outward with it now.
Nancy McClelland: And [00:31:00] we love you for it. We love our spicy Questian. All right.
Nancy McClelland: Well, actually, you keep, I think I don't know if you're doing this on purpose or not, but you keep just beautifully segwaying us into the next section, because one of the things about about being spicy that I think, um, is helpful toward, or rather being spicy is something that can be helpful toward leaning into self promotion. [00:31:30] Um, and we're both kind of spicy, but I would not say we're always so great at self promotion. Misty knows that when she has Q and A's, um, this is always one of my big questions is I know, I know that for the podcast to be successful, for ask a CPA to be successful for the work that I'm doing as a public speaker. To be successful, I need to self promote. But I am turned off by self promotion. It's icky [00:32:00] right? It's you. I don't like.
Questian Telka: Well it's because we were told when we were little girls. Don't brag. You're not allowed to brag. Don't. Don't talk about yourself too much. Don't like. I heard that over and over and over again. Was like, oh, you don't, you know, don't brag about whatever achievement you have or accomplishment. And so that's just deeply ingrained. And then I get embarrassed and feel like, yeah.
Nancy McClelland: It's a double edged sword [00:32:30] because like on the one hand, you know that it is necessary for your success. It's absolutely necessary for success, but it is sometimes judged harshly. So like, how do we walk that line? You know, let's let's pretend that we've worked through a lot of our thoughts on negative self-talk and we're like, okay, all right. I've practiced, I've gone meta and I'm talking to my lizard brain and I'm ready, I'm ready. And then we go, you self promotion. [00:33:00] I'm going to feel like either a jerk because I'm overpromoting, or I'm feeling like a fraud because I don't maybe truly believe whatever it is I'm promoting. Misty, I know you have some thoughts about how we can how can we self promote in a way that feels consistent with our values, but isn't underselling ourselves?
Misty Megia: Yeah, for moving from the corporate environment where [00:33:30] I was consistently promoting a tool or a product or a service of some sort, to then this company where I'm promoting myself and my services, it took me a while to have that shift. It really did. And and what stays in me is what you all know. I've said this a lot to you, do you? There are so many people out [00:34:00] there to tell you. No. Do not be the first one to say it. Like if you're like, oh no, no one needs to hear this. No one's going to buy this. This feels gross. And promoting. You aren't doing it for everybody out there that exists. You're doing it for that one person that needs your services, that needs to hear what you have to say on this podcast, that needs that little bit of validation to go, I can do this too. And if we take ourselves out of the mix of like, it is not about [00:34:30] me and do what both of you do so naturally of spotlighting other people and other things, then it just becomes, I'm spotlighting a service. I'm spotlighting something that I know will help you feel less alone. Like that's what this whole podcast is all about. And so you promoting it is just saying, hey, there's a space for you where you count. That's not a self promotion.
Nancy McClelland: The best therapy session I've had all week. [00:35:00]
Questian Telka: That's why every time I see Misty, I cry.
Misty Megia: We're doing really good question. We're not crying. Yeah.
Questian Telka: We're not. Not over yet.
Nancy McClelland: I do love that quote, though, that you try not to make a practice of being the first person to tell yourself no. Um, and there is actually a lot of scientific background here. And so this is something that I've tried to really dig into [00:35:30] to convince myself that this is something that is okay to do. Self-affirmation interventions actually help people maintain a sense of self integrity when they're facing that psychological threat, like you were talking about earlier. So not only does the negative self-talk is what we're, we're, um, automatically doing when our lizard brain is trying to protect us. But if we can work [00:36:00] through that and lean into self-affirmation, we can actually reduce that defensiveness and increase openness to feedback. Food back. Oh my goodness. Increase openness to feedback. Which means that you helping people to unmute themselves via affirmation. It's not just feel good, like it can literally shift how we're responding to internal voices [00:36:30] of doubt. Yeah, or external voices of threat.
Misty Megia: I appreciate that, Nancy, because I think, too, when it's that self affirmation, I firmly believe that along with that self-affirmation, you have to have those proof points that it's possible. And so we don't take enough proof points that we didn't die doing something.
Misty Megia: I [00:37:00] mean, I'm not dead yet, but I posted on social media about my podcast and I didn't die. Here's one point for that.
Nancy McClelland: That reminds me of Kate Johnson. Kate. Whenever Kate gives her.
Nancy McClelland: Talk on um on using video in your business, uh, one of her slides, she it's funny because she delivers it very seriously, as if it's like a scientific study. But she was just like, it has been proven. It has absolutely been proven that nobody [00:37:30] who has gone on video to try to promote their business has died yet because of having done it.
Nancy McClelland: And you realize what she's saying and he's like, oh, yeah, I guess that's true.
Misty Megia: Like, oh, that to a point. I want to bring a point that you said earlier to back to the forefront, because I think this is very important. It's that emotional contagion piece, right, of it's kind of who you [00:38:00] surround yourself with and the community. Because if you are surrounding yourself with people that are believing in you and think you are the sun, moon and stars, but that is based in reality because they see the work that you put in, then that will be contagious to you. If you're surrounding yourself with people that are self doubters that go, oh, who are you to talk about that? Then that's what you start to believe, right? Of who am I? Because it feeds that little [00:38:30] negative piece that just wants to be fed a little bit more to go. Oh yeah, you're right. So it really is being very careful about the community that you curate that it is one of abundance. And that shows you the joy and the lift.
Nancy McClelland: And I want to lean into what you just said, though. You said people who are not just fluffing you up, but people who legitimately are impressed with you. They're legitimately proud of you. They're there. [00:39:00] They're not. It's not just blowing sunshine up your rear end. They're actually saying, you did this thing and it was important. And it was. Question. You wrote that, uh, session, a 100 minute session, main stage at the Women Who Count conference on sexual harassment. You changed lives. I have no doubt that you changed lives with that. And [00:39:30] I genuinely believe this. We we did. But you spearheaded that whole thing and you did. This was, you know, question. And I take turns planning the episodes and doing the, the, you know, biggest part of the prep work. Yeah. And this was, this was questions dream and I'm telling you. But if if you thought that I were. If you thought that I were just saying. Oh, my God, that was so great. That's so good. You know, like, you know, I'm [00:40:00] serious, right?
Questian Telka: Oh, yeah. Oh, yes, yes, I know, I definitely know that you will tell me if I'm full of shit. Like.
Nancy McClelland: I love how you turned that around again. Um.
Misty Megia: But the honesty, right? It's the integrity of the relationship. If you have somebody that will give it to you straight, but is also somebody that is there for you because it's not, we know that. It's not about like, I'm gonna fail [00:40:30] because we know it's all a learning. Life is just all about learning. It's not failure. It's more insight. It's it's more data to do it better next time, to change something, to adjust. But those community members and those friends of yours that are there no matter what. Like, you know, I've gone through some pretty tough times, Nancy. And just your little pebbles of thinking of you have been so crucial. Oh, just going. Okay, one more day. One more day. I said I wasn't gonna cry. [00:41:00] Uh, but I think.
Nancy McClelland: It really cries crying. It's sad out of you.
Misty Megia: It's important. It's important for us to surround each other with badass females like yourselves.
Questian Telka: Well, and you just, like, made an. It's interesting that it segwayed into this because we were just having a conversation. I told Nancy that I was talking to someone else yesterday, and with everything that's gone on in the last year and all of the like [00:41:30] emotional family things and then having a huge loss, and that combined with like a lot of my nonprofits are losing funding. Like I have felt like a I feel like a I feel like a failure. Like yesterday just had this, like, super low moment where I was like, I feel like a failure. And then today I was like, okay. I said to Nancy, you just basically said this, um, Misty, which was, [00:42:00] that's information to make a shift or to do something different. And so and I said to her today, like, here are the things that I, I have to take a step back in these certain things, and I need to do it so that I can focus on these other areas.
Nancy McClelland: And you got clarity when you saw the that low point happen. That was part of what gave you the clarity. Yes. To go, oh, wait a minute, I'm so upset about these things. If, if those are really [00:42:30] like if I'm upset about those because they're really the things that are most important to me, then I need to be focusing on those.
Questian Telka: Right? Yeah. Of course. And so it's like, okay, I have to and and to be fair, some of them aren't the most important thing to me. But, um, you know, they're some of the things I'm going to have to take a step back on are really important to me, but I'll be able to. I know that, because that's the case when I get to a place where I need to get to, because there's been so many struggles this year that I will be [00:43:00] easily able to go back to it. And I want to go back to it. And so it's like sometimes you just have to that's just what you have to do. And you have to make space for, you know, um, changing things up, like you said, so that you can view things and.
Nancy McClelland: You wanted to feel you want the stuff that you're doing to feel authentic, not performative. Right? You want to make sure that these things are in line with your values always. And and that was something that, you know, when, when, um, [00:43:30] I was talking with Misty beforehand, you know, we were we were saying, well, how can we learn from how men promote themselves, but in a way that still feels authentic and not performative, like you're talking like finger guns. Right, right. I mean, so okay, I should clarify. We're talking both when I say, what can we learn from how men promote themselves? I mean, both behaviors to emulate and those to avoid. Okay. So [00:44:00] not not only because what you're talking about question is important. It has to feel authentic. It can't it has to be the things that are most important to you. I was just at we were both at Intuit Connect. I don't know if you got to see Vanessa Van Edwards, but she did an amazing presentation on how the voices that are most trusted in our society are those that have both high warmth and high competence.
Questian Telka: Competence? [00:44:30]
Nancy McClelland: Yes, that. Yeah, it's in that space where they meet. And this is for men and women that there wasn't there were some gender differences in the data that she was showing. But in terms of people's reaction that that was that was that's that's what we consider a trusted voice. So, Misty, given how men promote themselves, um, what are some things that women can learn either to do or not to do? Uh, when we are trying [00:45:00] to, um, get comfortable with self promotion?
Misty Megia: Yeah, I think that we have to one number one is stop comparing ourselves and just trying to do what somebody else is doing. Because if you're looking at somebody else and going, ooh, I'm going to do it that way, then you're going to be in constant compare mode of like, oh, I didn't do it as well, or it didn't go as, as viral as their they got more comment. So going back to where we started in the beginning of that, Angela just going, I'm going to fail and [00:45:30] make it epic and learn as I go. What is it for you like? For me, it is theatrical. Like right now I'm going through a whole, like, forced metamorphosis because I really want to shift my brand. I'm starting to feel that itch. And so I am in consume mode of looking at all the different things out in the world that are not in my vein at all to go, what is exciting me so I can bring something new to my niche. And [00:46:00] it's not new in the education, but just new for me on how I show up or how I want to build my presentations because I know if I do that, I'm creating something that is specific to my brand, my vibe, and that will do the heavy lifting for me to promote and have a brand voice than me figuring out how to craft the exact word that will get somebody to go, oh, I should take that speaking class because there's so many right now, it's insane to me. Uh, so [00:46:30] you have to figure out, like, what is it that is unique for you? What is it that you want to bring to the table that just excites you to no end. I am taking an upholstery class right now. Are you really? You know, I.
Nancy McClelland: Know about this upholstery.
Misty Megia: Yes I am, and so I was just talking to the woman who created it. Chair. Whimsy. She's a phenomenal. Her name is Wendy. I joked with her that we're the weather girls. Uh, anyway, I'm taking this [00:47:00] upholstery class and any artistic hands on thing that I can think of always shifts me. And it's picking fabric and figuring out what that is that lights you up to make something that is unlike what anybody else has in their space. And I think that is about our business. We are such unique individuals. Every single one of us brings something totally different to the table. Yet [00:47:30] any time we want to show up, we want to look at who else was successful and follow that. So much to the T that we forget our own voice. So we just got to kind of go, okay, I soak it all in. I'm going to do it how I learned. Now how do I make it mine?
Nancy McClelland: I love this conversation so much. I feel like we've talked about we've talked about mindset. We've talked about visibility. We've talked about pushing [00:48:00] through fear. We talked about going meta allyship. I mean, like it's you're you're just a wealth of knowledge. And I want our audience to know where they can learn more about, um, the programs that you have coming up. I know you have a, a Q&A that's coming up soon. You have, although I don't know, timing wise if that's going to, um, we'll mention that in social media, but I don't I think by the time this airs, uh, your Q&A will already [00:48:30] have passed. Just tell us a little bit about the things that you have coming up in the next, let's say, six months, that they might be interested in learning more about.
Misty Megia: My women's cohort for theater public speaking is coming up.
Nancy McClelland: Is that is that the intermediate class, that question? It is the.
Misty Megia: Intermediate.
Nancy McClelland: Class okay.
Misty Megia: Yes. Yeah. And to me it is outside of the advanced retreat, which we'll talk about in a second. But the intermediate [00:49:00] course, I feel we get to see such huge transformations and it becomes this little pod of humans that just become friends and cheer each other on, and a community that truly lifts you. There's nothing like it to me in my life to just watch that transformation and feel somebody's cup is my complete joy. So that's coming up and that starts the first Wednesday of March. We [00:49:30] already have like half of the seats are filled, so.
Nancy McClelland: Oh, wow. Get on it, y'all.
Misty Megia: Yeah.
Questian Telka: Seriously?
Nancy McClelland: I will make sure the link to that is in our show notes for sure. Um, that was an amazing experience for us both. Uh, as as we've talked about numerous times on the show. And so, um, just to clarify, although it is an intermediate level class, it is it is the first class in your series, um, with theater public speaking currently. [00:50:00]
Misty Megia: Yeah. I mean, it's the first class where you are. We're hands on with you. And in a group session, we do have a beginner's course because we did do research and we found people are too scared to even show up if they need, like, that foundational help to any component that has live. And so we do have a beginner's course that we just launched maybe a couple weeks ago.
Nancy McClelland: Okay. I'll make sure I put that in the show notes as well.
Misty Megia: To help people just get that foundation so they're comfortable enough to show [00:50:30] up with. Like, if we don't have to be a part of your journey if you don't need us, but we've given that, uh, course to, uh, a whole organization called Safe You that helps women escape domestic violence. And watching that help them.
Questian Telka: Oh my gosh, that's incredible.
Misty Megia: It's a huge pride moment of like ah. [00:51:00] And so I know I don't have to be there to handhold the journey. And that was another like life lesson of like, uh, but I like but I want to meet everybody. I know you want to.
Nancy McClelland: Yes. And it is an amazing experience. I mean, the group, if you if you do want the group support, um, if you, if you I mean, that was something that, uh, was huge for, for me and, you know, I, I have like some dearest friends who came from the experience of going [00:51:30] through the the cohort. It was absolutely incredible.
Questian Telka: So in terms of the intermediate cohort and the group sessions and settings, I have a love hate relationship with it all. And when I say that like I'm kidding, right. It's it's amazing and I love it. But I was terrified like going into it. And what I will say is that I'm I'm happy I did because it's it's exercising that muscle. That's what gave me the ability to [00:52:00] go from not being able to walk up to someone and talk to them and network at a conference to be able to speak up in a zoom. And, and so it's like it's uncomfortable. Yes. But you do it anyway. And like the results are, are there. So yeah. The group setting and and again as Nancy said, then you come out with like all of these wonderful, amazing like female colleagues that we see at conferences and, um, get to share [00:52:30] tips with and it's it's incredible. And I was part of so the advanced cohort I did the first advanced cohort and we got to work on, um, our keynote. And like, I have never met someone who does not miss a detail. I mean, the amount of detail that you put into that, like I was, I was just like mind blowing. If you ever change your mind about, you know, your calling [00:53:00] in life, like events, that's it. There you're be the most amazing event planner in the world.
Nancy McClelland: So because that's the difference with the with the advanced courses that you actually have an not just in-person in zoom, but in person, it culminates in an in-person experience where we all stay in a house together and I have to. I have to, um, agree with question. Your ability [00:53:30] to plan that in-person retreat was pretty stunning.
Misty Megia: Thank you. We we we spend, like, a good nine months planning that few days in person. And to me, the underlying because we always have that what is the one thing we want? And to me it's like, I want them to feel so loved that their cup overflows to those who need their message when they leave. And so that's.
Questian Telka: Why.
Nancy McClelland: You nailed it. [00:54:00]
Misty Megia: Good, good. Yeah. We. Yeah.
Questian Telka: As always, when I'm with you, I feel like I learned so much. And it's also combined with the fact that it's a therapy session. I didn't cry today. So there we I mean, we.
Nancy McClelland: All three of us made it through the episode without crying while we really could. We must have focused. This is a.
Questian Telka: Miracle, I [00:54:30] know. So as we wrap up, we want to ask our listeners to follow our She Counts Podcast LinkedIn page. And please join in on the conversation by sharing under the episode unmuted your favorite idea for helping one another. Unmute, especially when someone's starting to doubt their own volume.
Nancy McClelland: And before we sign off, I want to leave you with a quote by Brene Brown, who Misty I know you're a big fan of as well. I got to meet her at Intuit Connect. [00:55:00] She was actually like wrapping up her lunch. She ate lunch in the food court and was packing up afterward, and a bunch of people were going up to her and I was like, you know what? I'm going to tell her about the podcast, and I did. I even gave her a She Counts pin and told her that we quote her all the time on the podcast, and she put her her fists in the air and said, yay! I win the quote award! I'm so excited. So she was.
Questian Telka: Great.
Nancy McClelland: So one of her quotes is, she says, when we [00:55:30] screw up or fall down, many of us talk to ourselves in ways that we would never talk to someone we love and respect. Talking to ourselves from self-love and self respect is a practice. There's something powerful about saying out loud what you'd say to a friend. Misty, I know you mentioned that maybe our homework this week is to notice when that inner critic pipes up and answer it the way you'd answer your best friend.
Misty Megia: Love it! I love you both so much. Thank you for allowing [00:56:00] me into your space.
Questian Telka: We love you too. Thank you for being here with us on She Counts, the Real Talk podcast for women in accounting.
Nancy McClelland: If something in today's episode hit home for you, well, that's exactly why we're doing this.
Questian Telka: So you feel seen, heard and never alone.
Nancy McClelland: Remember that you can get CPE credit for listening at earmarked links to that, as well as how to learn more about our sponsors, solutions and any other resource, [00:56:30] including all of those studies. We have citations for them so that you know that it's all for real. Those will all be in the show notes.
Questian Telka: And please subscribe. Also, leave us a review because that helps other women find the podcast and share it with another woman in accounting who you think needs to hear it as well.
Nancy McClelland: Many thanks again to our wonderful friend and guest, Misty Mejia. We're so glad you could join us today.
Misty Megia: Love [00:57:00] you wouldn't be anywhere else.
Questian Telka: Love you. Oh.
Questian Telka: Thank you so much and we'll see everyone in two weeks.
Nancy McClelland: Take care.